What "energy shifts" mean in practice, empowerment in relationships, and developmental stages of consciousness
An "energetic" edition of Connection Hub has arrived... ;-)
Hello Dear,
I’m writing this with quite a vivid memory of what spring brought to me last year. Bonfires like the one above are definitely among them.
Besides… Opening my heart to a new relationship. Learning about female pleasure. Doing important work on boundaries and personal power. Running my first training for facilitators. Organising the Community Connection Banquet.
These events belong to the spring 2024. But energetically, I can feel that each spring is connected to the next, and the next, and the next… Including this one now.
The changing seasons have a tangible impact on my state of mind, relationship with others and myself. Each year, I feel the seasonal currents more and more. Maybe that’s a sign of getting older.
I used to get confused when I heard the word “energy,” “energetic quality,” or “energetic connection.” I didn’t know what people meant by that. But some time ago, I started perceiving the subtle “shifts in energy” in my body, too. They seem to be impacted by various circumstances — including my monthly cycle, the seasons, time of day, relational dynamics…
From a mental concept, “energy” became my embodied experience. It seems important to keep deliberately increasing my physical presence as a crucial component of my journey, as well as my compass.
If all this sounds a bit esoteric… let’s bring it down to Earth. ;-) The sections of today’s newsletter speak to those “energetic experiences” and their practical life aspects.
Why you can’t be “empowered” in all relationships
(Spoiler alert: you probably can. But it will usually be different degrees of personal power that you feel in different dynamics.)
I experienced this phenomenon over and over, when I needed to deliver a “hard truth” to someone.
Whenever I was going through a turbulent moment in a relationship — be it navigating an intimate partnership, negotiating boundaries with housemates, or delivering feedback to a family member — I often couldn’t find my words. Well, I could find some — but I stumbled. It was hard to do justice to my experience without the risk of offending the other person or making them feel “bad.”
I’d begin to say a sentence and… my brain would immediately produce justifications and disclaimers. My housemate and I jokingly called this mindset “…but no worries if not.”😂 Always apologetic, always wanting to make myself smaller… even while trying to advocate for myself!
In other words: when a difficult conversations needed to happen, I’d often feel powerless. I was confused about my internal experience, questioning myself, doubting my right to say what I needed.
It’s like I was gaslighting myself.
Then, I’d talk about the same thing to a trusted friend or therapist and… it would feel different. They’d make more space for me than I could hold for myself. They’d ask me questions. They’d validate.
In those moments, I usually noticed a shift in confidence. A new level of clarity. A newfound groundedness.
I felt surprisingly strong and empowered about the same experience. The difference? The relationship I was processing it in felt safe, holding, and there was nothing at stake, nothing to prove or protect.
How we experience personal power is contextual. There is a reason why we talk about “Black empowerment,” “women’s empowerment,” or “community empowerment.” All these phrases refer to demographic groups who may lack power — usually, in specific contexts.
When talking about “Black empowerment,” people don’t refer to situations where Black people are in the majority. Rather, the phrase signals a context where a Black person may face oppression in a white-supremacy system, and hence needs added power.
Mentioning “empowerment of women,” implies that a female-bodied person may be facing a biased treatment based on their gender. There’s less need to talk about this when women interact with other women only. Usually, the “empowerment” is needed in contact with men when they (subtly or not, consciously or not) put women down.
Most of us know from daily life what it’s like to feel “power-over,” “power-under,” and (hopefully) “power-equal.” Sometimes, we’re the person in the room with highest status or most experience. Other times, we’re outsiders coming in to a well-established group, trying to fit in, with less power than others.
In all these situations, the extent to which we need to “empower ourselves” will be different. In some contexts, we’ll naturally be in our power. Other dynamics will ask us to look for it more deliberately, consciously, sometimes even strategically.
Some of the factors that influence how in touch with my power I feel:
the gender of the person I’m speaking to
how long we’ve known each other for (I don’t always feel more power in long-term relationships!)
the language I’m speaking (English or Polish, English usually more empowering)
size of the group
how defined my role within a group is
What about you? What helps you feel connected to your power? And how can you transpose those feelings into relationships and contexts that don’t invite it so easily?
Here’s something I wrote on this topic last year:
A simple way to empower yourself when you’re power-under
The most basic understanding of “empowerment” is driving power towards yourself. But what does it mean in practice?
Upcoming Events
Just a quick note about upcoming events and offerings!
Authentic Connection Group, 29th April, 27th May, 24th June
This is a community space for relational experiments and growing into more expansive versions of ourselves.
Suggested donations are £10–20, but pay what feels right if you can’t afford that.
If you didn’t manage to book in time for April, you can join the waitlist and/or book for May or June! If you booked and can no longer attend — please request a refund and free up your spot, so others can attend. Thank you!
Note that 29th April group will be from 7:30 pm in the Studio. In May in June, we meet at 7pm in the Art Room.
Beltane Fireside Community Gathering & Concert, 10th May
Time for another community fire is coming!
Francesco and I will invite you to step through the gate of Beltane energy on 10th of May. Around the fire, we will connect with the elements, the season, and tap into the potency of this exact moment in the year. Whatever you want to invite more of – or leave behind! – this ceremonial space can hold it.
There will be songs, yarning & connection practice, and ritual. I hope to see many of you there!
Seven stages of psychological development by Richard Barrett
I love systems that integrate a lot of knowledge into one coherent model. That’s why I want to share Richard Barrett’s theory of seven stages of human development. It applies also to how systems, organisations, and societies mature in a similar manner!
In Barrett’s model (that builds on Abraham Maslow’s work), he accounts for seven fundamental stages of human development people move through over the course of a lifetime. That is, if the conditions for growth are provided by a wider system they’re embedded in.
Each stage is defined by specific developmental tasks, but also — primary values and motivations driving them:
Overall, Barrett posits that a healthy human development is a movement from ego to soul-identity.
In the first stages of development (surviving, conforming, differentiating), our tasks are mostly focused on survival and establishing a strong sense of self. As we grow older and mature, we move away from an individual mindset and towards more collective-oriented thinking (integrating, serving).
Once we’ve fulfilled the needs of the ego, the only place to move towards is the soul. That’s why selfless service is, in this model, the highest developmental stage available to humans.
Interestingly, a parallel model can apply to organisations and their evolving culture. A more mature organisation will typically be less concerned with its own survival and making itself known, and more with the impact it’s making in a wider ecosystem:
I’m leaving you with these thoughts to chew on, as we’re moving into Easter / Beltane / other spring celebrations. I hope thinking in terms of developmental stages, and figuring out where you might be at, can be helpful in your work and life.
May our energetic shifts and consciousness development be felt. May they benefit us, and then ripple into the world.
With love,
Marta