Why introverts make great leaders
We need leaders to make rather than take up space
Leadership is a form of relationship. And, it’s a peculiar one.
When we speak of other relationships “working well,” we often mean a sense of ease, harmony, or balance. We use the experience of the relationship as a metric of its success.
Meanwhile, leadership is slightly different. It’s a relationship with an agenda. On top of wanting to have a nourishing experience, people usually want to get to some kind of a destination as a result of leading.
In that sense, leadership is about facilitating relationships of others. A good leader does that in a way that aids collaboration, learning, growth — or whatever goal the group is pursuing.
In my experience, introverts are often badass at achieving that.
The new paradigm of leadership
Let’s acknowledge this: as we’re well into the 21st century, our understanding of leadership is undergoing transformation.
Currently, one of my favourite definitions comes from Seth Godin’s daily blog:
“Leaders create the conditions where people choose new actions.
The choices are voluntary. They’re made by people who see a new landscape, new opportunities and new options.
You can’t make people change. But you can create an environment where they choose to.”
For a long time, leadership was understood as making people do stuff the leader decided was best. That’s the times of big empires — followed by the industrial revolution and, more recently, big corporations.
But we are entering a new paradigm. Today, leadership is more often seen as an act of service, enabling people to move towards the direction they desire.
Seen from this angle, leadership is a perfect role for introverts. However, we’re not used to thinking of introverted people as natural leaders.
If you identify as an introvert, you may have felt compelled to lead in the past — but, you got stuck in your self-image of being too shy or awkward.
You may have believed that you didn’t have enough confidence, eloquence, or self-esteem. You may have told yourself — or, other people told you — that you just “don’t do well in groups.”
However, throughout your life, you often had a sense of knowing what groups you were in needed. Sitting quietly and observing allowed you to tune in to the subtle undercurrents of group dynamics that remained invisible to others.
We think introverts can’t be leaders when we’re in the old paradigm. Too often, we still assume that leadership is about overpowering people. Telling them what to do. Persuading them to behave in a way that they wouldn’t otherwise choose to.
That’s how I thought of leading… until I started coming across people who looked for similar things as I did. A sense of community. An environment that’s safe to live in. Authentic, loving communication. Personal growth and expansion of consciousness.
It’s only thanks to meeting those people that I found myself in the role of:
A lead organizer for environmental activist group in my hometown
A host of mindfulness retreats
A founder and leader of the biggest Authentic Relating group in Edinburgh
A trainer for new facilitators who want to learn how to build community.
None of these roles required me to impose anything on anyone. Once I found “my tribe,” all I needed was to make an effort to move in my desired direction, while inviting other people to come with me.
I realised that I could only lead people based on shared values, aspirations, and experiences. So, I started building this unique kind of relationship with them.
My introvert qualities supported me along the way.
Introverts have what other leaders dream of
I’m aware that “introvert” is an artificial label.
Most people I know would be better described as floating across the introversion-extroversion continuum, landing on different places of it each day. Psychologists usually conceptualize introversion as a spectrum rather than a one-zero trait.
Like any label, however, “an introvert” can also be a helpful one. For one thing, I believe that identifying your introverted traits can help you pinpoint your potential as a leader.
According to a WebMD article, some typical introvert characteristics include:
Is reflective
Is self-aware
Takes time making decisions
Feels comfortable being alone
Feels tired after being in a crowd
Has few friendships but is very close with these friends
Retreats into their own mind to rest.
Introverts are often characterized by how they replenish their energy. Carl Jung was the first to name this. He also observed many other interesting things — e.g. how “personally a creative man can be an introvert, but in his work he is an extravert and vice versa.”
One interesting thing modern science found about introverts is about how they respond to dopamine. While extroverts tend to feel a pleasant buzz of reward associated with dopamine release, introverts more often feel tired or run down by it.
On top of that, according to Psychology Today:
“Evidence suggests that, unlike with extroverts, the brains of introverts do not react strongly to viewing novel human faces; in such situations they produce less dopamine, a neurotransmitter associated with reward.”
How all of that relates to leadership?
Seeing these traits, your intuition may be still tell you that introverts don’t make very good leaders… If you’re inward-oriented, take more time to yourself, and are less likely to take pleasure in meeting new people — how are you going to be comfortable leading groups?
Over the years, I realized that some traits that seem like weakness can actually be great sources of strength and insight. Needing time alone to replenish myself is a small drawback compared to what my introverted qualities helped me with.
It all comes back to building relationships. As an introvert, you’re predisposed to high-quality listening and relating. Overall, this gives you an advantage in terms of building high-quality connection with others — and, lead naturally.
Here are four examples of my introverted traits that have supported me in that over the years.
1. Knowing how to listen.
A good leader understands their tribe. They empathize with them and know the root of their problems, goals, and motivations.
That’s only possible if the leader knows how to listen.
Back in 2019, I was involved in environmental activist meetings in my hometown. We wanted to organize strikes and everyone had tons of ideas. I had mine, too — and at first, I wanted to share them with everyone!
Soon, I realized that adding more to the conversation wouldn’t be helpful. Our discussions were already chaotic. The best way I could add value was by genuinely listening to others and acknowledging their ideas.
As an introvert, this came naturally — I chose listening over speaking most of my life.
This was a big factor that later on led to me naturally become the group’s coordinator. By letting other people know that I listened, I earned their trust. Without ever claiming a leadership role, I realized that people started asking for my opinion and even expecting me to make decisions.
Introverts know how to listen. Others feel this — and instinctively confide in them as leaders.
2. Being comfortable with vulnerability
Deep down, every person on this planet wants to be authentic. Everyone prefers to be themselves rather than pretend to be something they’re not.
The thing is, many people never find permission to do that. That’s because being authentic often means being vulnerable. As much as it opens you up for connection, it also puts you at risk of being hurt.
One role a leader has is to make it safer for people to be authentic. The simplest way to do that is by showing their own vulnerability. It’s one of the best ways to build psychological safety.
It’s also something that many introverts do naturally.
I learned this in the middle of a mindfulness retreat I hosted a few years ago. One afternoon, I felt overwhelmed with all the logistics and constant company (typical introvert!). Despite hesitating to leave the guests on their own, I decided to go for a nap in my room to recover.
I worried that people would be disappointed and judge me for it. So, I was pleasantly surprised when one woman came to me later that day and said:
“You know, this moment when you just went to sleep in the middle of the day, I felt so relieved. I wasn’t sure if we were supposed to stay together as a group all the time, and I felt like spending some time on my own. Seeing that you just went for it gave me permission to do the same.”
As an introvert, you’ve felt vulnerable many times.
As a leader, you can channel this vulnerability to empower others.
3. Complying with what others want
Compliance is seen as a vice in our culture of individualism and personal achievement. We’re often encouraged to stop caring about what other people think and “do it our own way.”
We rarely hear the narrative that attuning to what others want may be… a helpful thing!
Compliance doesn’t mean you’re weak, undecided, or lack character. For a leader, being easy-going about certain decisions is an advantage.
Whenever I was a skipper on a sailing boat, I usually decided to let my crew choose where to moor. I know the Polish lakes well. Unless it was a question of safety, I thought it was more fun for the crew if they picked the places we went to.
Even though I was the captain, I decided to leave certain decisions to the rest of the group. As a leader, I allowed myself to follow. This made me realize that a vital part of leadership is trusting others to make choices — without asking too many questions.
Most introverts learned how to be content with other people’s decisions. Following is often our natural state.
As a result, introverted leaders trust others more easily, letting them steer the boat for a little while.
4. Gracefully preserving empty spaces
If you want change to happen, you need to make space for it. Sometimes, this can be hard.
This is what often stops us from introducing new things to our lives. Our schedules are too crowded to find room for novelty. Our habits are too ingrained to chart new paths.
One way leadership manifests is through holding space for others to change. I love this expression because it literally means just that: keeping the space empty long enough for something new to emerge.
The thing is, holding space requires being comfortable with silence and stillness. Not everyone finds it easy — but introverts are often better predisposed for it.
I experience this time and time again in all sorts of sharing circles I lead. After the welcoming meditation, I often invite participants to share their feelings and/or intentions. Some people need a bit of time to find their words and courage, and open up in front of the group.
This means there can be quite a bit of silence between consecutive shares. I learned to hold that silence with increasingly more comfort. I know that, in those moments, it’s up to the leader to preserve empty space long enough for the next share to emerge.
It can be tempting to fill silence with words. But this usually isn’t the best way.
Often, holding silence and stillness is key to “creating the environment where people choose to change.”
If you’re an introvert, space-holding probably comes more naturally to you. You already know how to step back and let the experience unfold without interference.
The value this can bring to others is greater than you may think.
Introverts lead from behind
As an introvert, you don’t care about the spotlight so much. You can lead from behind — which is one of your greatest strengths.
You’re used to letting others shine without needing attention on yourself. This is a quality that may seem like an obstacle to leadership — but actually, it’s a blessing in disguise.
Sure, you may not have endless capacity for conversations and events. You may take longer to make decisions. You may occasionally remove yourself in the middle of a gathering to process your feelings and rest.
Ultimately, all these things help you show up more fully.
When you’re with the group, you really listen. You make space for others. You preserve people’s agency by empowering them to contribute. Especially the latter is an impactful skill, because it empowers those you lead to grow into their own leadership as a result.
Faculty chair of the Leadership Initiative at Harvard Business School Linda A. Hill recognizes that we now need “leading from behind” more than ever. Even though she speaks about corporate context, her words also apply to community, non-profit, and other grassroots groups:
“The psychological contract between companies and employees is changing. Among other things, people are looking for more meaning and purpose in their work lives. They want and increasingly expect to be valued for who they are and to be able to contribute to something larger than themselves. People expect to have the opportunity to co-author their organization’s purpose. They want to be associated with organizations that serve as positive forces in the world.”
As the world is growing more complex, so are human beings inside it.
One consequence is that we need more meaning in our lives. This includes the particular relationship we call leadership. It’s not just about telling people what to do and where to go. It’s about creating new layers of meaning, together.
Introverted leaders naturally exert qualities that support the new paradigm.
Thanks for reading! If you’re an introvert, leader, or/and community organiser looking for a good leadership training, I’m co-hosting one in Edinburgh, Scotland at the end of June.