This is how community living has changed me
Revealing the story of how I came to work with communities, communication, and connection - and how that work has impacted my values.
Hello! This is Marta from Connection Hub. Today, I want to start unravelling some of my personal story that led me to define my vocation as a “connection worker.”
As you may be able to see from the subtitle, I like words that start with the prexif “co-”. Community, communication, connection — these are my favourites. But there’s more. Co-living. Collaboration. Consultation. I like these a lot, too.
The prefix “co-” or “con’-” suggest mutuality and togetherness. It communicates the idea of “experiencing with.” I suspect this is why I’m drawn to them. Finding healthy, nourishing, and growthful ways to be together is what I’m commited to.
My whole life story contributes to this commitment and I can’t possibly explain it all in one post. So let me start with a recent piece of this story. Let me tell you about how I transitioned to community living — and what it did to me.
It was 2nd of January, 2021. I was just waking up to the fact that new year had begun.
We were almost one year into a global pandemic. I was living in a small Scottish town on the outskirts of Edinburgh with two Polish friends, working as a freelance writer during the day and running the surrounding hill trails by night.
It was a pretty solitary life.
On the 2nd of January, I was creating a vision board for the year. One sentence just poured out of me: 2021 was going to be the year I re-enter community. At this point, I had been working remotely for four years all the while moving around Europe. It was time to put my roots somewhere and create long-lasting connections.
2021 was also the hardest year of my life in terms of mental health. As my writing brain ran out of steam, I lost direction career-wise. I was also in an ambiguous partnership, experiencing relationship OCD symptoms. Losing ground under my feet like this was disorienting and put me on a bit of a mental downward spiral.
In a way, I had no choice. I had to reach out to people and embed myself in some kind of a wider community. I felt this would a way to not just overcome my challenges, but also transition to the “next level” in life.
And so I reconnected with The Salisbury Centre — a community hub in Edinburgh. I knew about it from my previous time of living in the city and so it became my anchor. I looked for friendships there. In the second half of 2021, I also started the Authentic Connection Group, which is still running today.
Then, at the beginning of 2022, I became a resident. This is how my journey of community living has begun.
The mission of the Salisbury Centre is to “offer a place of welcome, safety, warmth and community for all those who are seeking to grow and develop spiritually, psychologically and creatively in the company of others.” This statement really captures what I’ve received there. I fell a sense of protection and holding in the Centre’s walls. This enabled me to take steps in my spiritual and psychological development that wouldn’t have been possible otherwise.
The Salisbury Centre is also where my interest in the “co-” prefix has started. That’s because the growth that happened there for me was usually through relating with other people.
The way I think of my life story now is as “before” and “after” moving into The Salisbury Centre. Yep — that’s how big of a shift it was. And just for the sake of clarity, I don’t even co-habit with so many people. Over my time here, the residents population has fluctuated between 2-4 people.
But even though we’re a small bunch, there are aspects that make it very different from a classic flatshare experience I was used to before.
First, it’s the way we relate to each other as residents. Because we have a role to play in the bigger context of the Centre, this creates somewhat of a “team” feeling for us. We have a shared purpose here — even if sometimes it’s as simple as locking the building for the night or emptying the dishwasher in the communal kitchen.
We also share a commitment to authentic, conscious relationships. Over the past two years, it has become our tradition to do regular “house check-ins” when we reflect on the household dynamics. We actually talk about how we relate to one another, what we’re grateful for, and where the challenges are. This creates a whole new experience of co-living.
Finally, I’m also exposed to a wide variety of people by living in a community centre building. Our residents area is separate from the public rooms, but we still share some of the common spaces. For example, our shower is in a public bathroom downstairs, and washing machine is in the communal kitchen. This means that, as I go about my day, I cross paths with many individuals from the wider community.
I’m exposed to so many opportunities to connect with another human. To me, this is probably the single most significant part of living at the Centre.
Back when I was a solitary freelance writer trying to advance in my career, I exposed myself to a lot of self-improvement content. It was helpful at the time — but lost validity as I moved closer to community living.
One big concept I absorbed back then was to be selective about the people I let into my world. The idea that “you become the average of the five people you spend the most time with” permeated my mind. I thought that to stay focused on my goals and move in the desired direction, I had to surround myself with those who would support the process.
To some extent, this was true. It helped me to look out for people who would be on a similar life trajectory.
But as I opened myself to a lot of different people crossing my path week-to-week at The Salisbury Centre, I learned another approach. It’s less about selecting people, and more about growing my capacity to let more people in.
I feel secure enough in myself now to know what my core is and when I’m not willing to compromise in relationships. This is the result of 4+ years spent in solitude, with a lot of mindfulness practice. This also means that now, I can allow other people’s worlds to touch mine. I’m wiling to be changed by my relationships and connections because I understand that this is how I discover my blindspots and growth edges.
I realized I can only do so much growing and experiencing on my own. That’s why, in this season of my life, there’s more emphasis on community, communication, and connection.
Loved this share. I spent 3 years in an intentional sharehouse and share similar experiences. It's a different beast to the norms of modernity.